Although it was beautiful and sunny this weekend, and we got to spend time at the beach as a family, yesterday kicked my ass. I almost cried on the beach and just walked away. As many readers know, Sass has SPD and anxiety. There are times where we are good, and the management seems to be fine. And then there are days where she will have a full fledged fit about the tiniest things. The fit will consist of screaming, hitting, shouting the words HATE and STUPID, and she will SPIT. Yesterday while dressing her she was being difficult, I remained calm, the entire time, the full 30 to 4o minutes it took to figure out what she was OK to put on. Later when she had a fit in the pool b/c of googles (don't ask, hubby drags out googles as if she can handle them - that is a whole nother post) i have to remove her from the pool while she has a fit in my arms, i remained calm. The hardest part by the other 5 fits, was that I was remaining calm and she was still acting the same.
This morning within 15 minutes of her being awake she started having a fit as well as threw something and was having a fit b/c her sister did something first. it is FUCKING RIDICULOUS ....SERIOUSLY FUCKING CRAZY ASS. I said some awful things to her this morning that I should not have said. But it is what I feel. I feel she is being a baby and a brat and I don't want to be around her if this is how she is going to act. I am the worse Mom. I know it, I can NOT control my kids and when they have a fit, i am yelling at them horrible things. i brought out a chart to help us and the sight of the chart sends sass into a fit. all she can think about is that she wants stickers on the chart ....MOMMY I WANT STICKERS I CAN'T DO IT...I WANT STICKERS...it is painful to watch. I am starting to dread most every part of the day. getting her dressed.....going to the bathroom......errands...etc. it is hell. While sitting on the beach with 3 other families i could tell that our family was different, we could not sit down. we needed to manage sass, while the other parents chatted about and checked on kids every once in a while, we never sat down. and we still had to leave before everyone.
currently both kids are crying, lying down on the floor. they won't eat bfast. fuck fuck fuck fuck